Depressed because of a stupid big patch of rash-like-looking thing on the back of my thigh.. damn irritating... its suppose to go off with a day or two, the doctor said... but its still here and itchy.. though not so itchy already.. freaking irritated!!! I can't wear skirt.. cos that ugly patch can be seen.. and when my skirt rub against the patch it gets really itchy...

2 more days to our anniversary date... I am very excited about it, however, not very excited about it too.. The thing is i am not even sure if we are celebrating it... Why not?? All thanks to me, for making a small thing into a really big one...You are right! i am in the lowest swing of my relationship... Well, I still think i am not wrong... Thanks to my obstinate character, I will not give up... I am really not wrong!

I read from a birthday book... ( It has all the birthdays and the characteristics of those borned on those dates ) I am a person who hates failure... When made to think that i am wrong, things can get really bad.. I can become really pessimistic and even suicidal... I guess that book is rather true... i will photocopy that book and post more about it here tomorrow if i have to time.. Why did i say that its true? It is because i read his and i find it quite true also...

I finally know what's the real problem between us... I am a perfectionalist ( eventhough i tend to procastinate )... i expect everything to go according to my wish and my word is the command... And for him, he is a very objective person, he has his own set of ideas, own way of doing things, sometimes people will misunderstand him and his actions due to his sometimes weird doings and his lack of explanation... Maybe this is the reason why.. He have it in his own ways but i want things to go my way.. that's why opinions crash leading to all the quarrels..

I must admit i am a person who is very hard to please.. I must say i hate myself as much as some of you do... I hate my lack-of-tactfulness... Many times i know to consequences of me saying or doing certain things but i still go ahead and do it.. I am also wondering what's the problem with me.. Because of this great quality of mine.. I land myself in loads of difficult times... That's the reason why i must thank myself for everything...

This time round i thought i already gave in.. but i guess he still dosen't get me... I guess i am really difficult to understand... What did i do? Despite the roller coaster night, i still called him as usual in the morning, trying to imply i am actually willing to come to terms already ( this is very unlikely of me )... but i guess he was still thinking and executing what i said the day before... Once again due to my stubborn-ness, I did not call him like what i used to to.. we did not talk.. neither did i inform him about those thing that i usually do... I kept telling myself i can do it... Deep down inside this stubborn me wants to win!! I wanna win!! It's telling me i should not be the first to make the move... I think i am really stupid to believe a book.. But wait, its true, cos i am doing it.. I had this idea way before i read the book, implies that i am not influenced by the book... So, the book is true to a large extent...

Listening to Fish Leong's songs now, the new album... It's best to listen to her songs when you are in the situation like me now.. cos you can cry with the songs as a form of let-out.. but wait, i am not crying at all.. I think she is a great singer... she is so full of emotions... Great!

No matter if we are celebrating 7th October, i will still do what i plan to do even if he dosen't see it... foolish me... but i enjoy being foolish...

I am a bad lover... so guys, if ever i am out of this relationship don't come and woo me!!! ( OpZS! i am being very BHB ) who cares! no one cares.. its my problem so stay out of my problem!

Kinda miss him already...