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Welcome To My Secret Garden
Sunday, July 18, 2004
I am really very irritated with him today... i really fell that sometimes he is the person i hate most.. and sometimes he is the person i love most... its very complicating i agree.. i don't understand too...
I hate him to the core when he always decide on something without letting me know... ya agree, its not that he is trying to keep something from me... maybe because he forgot etc? Whatever the case.. that is just an excuse.. i may sound so unreasonable to many of you... but thats is what i am... i expect him to tell me things u know.. many things he deemed as unimportant.. so don't tell me... so one day will it come to a point where everything is not an issue... and you will stop telling me things...?
Furthermore, everytime when i voice out my unhappiness, i will get slightly ticked off... And it will seem as if its me in the wrong... i am tired already lahZ.. What's the point in voicing out to you when i always receive nothing but this kind of treatment.... i am a super sensitive person.. you just put me down everytime when such things happens... ( maybe you never realised at all, and that show how insensitive you can be ) In your quest of defending yourself, the insensitive devil in you keeps appearing and do you know how harsh you can get? Whatever, i rather keep quiet and show you a black face than receving all this crap...
Sometimes i really feel like giving him a slap.. sometimes i really feel like giving him back the ring and say goodbye once and for all... Because things hardly get better... its always the same problem... like what he say... its very tiring to get angry with the same old things again and again... its very tiring to know what will be his words of rebuttal everytime when you argue with him... Its even more tiring to feel being put down everytime... Its not only tiring, its demoralising and irritating...
Sometimes i really hope he could be more sensitive... Sensitive to my actions and expressions... its clear that i am angry when i was in his house already, but i wonder if he realised... Sometimes i really hope he could be more tactful with his words... Don't scold me! Don't make me feel like you are scolding me when you are not... Can you discuss things with me? tell me what you wanna buy before you buy.. tell me what you are going to do before you commit yourself.. Can you just tell me things the way i do to you??
I wonder if this entry will be understood by him.. i wonder if it would create any impact on him.. whatever its is, what he has done just makes me feel that i have no say in everything... although how much i tried to talk to him.. he dosen't seem to comprehend.. Although how much i say about my unhappiness, i just get back the same thing, nothing is done in view of my 'complains'.. Sometimes he makes me feel that he is leaving in the world of his own... Sometimes i feel that i am not important to him at all... Sometimes i just fell like giving up... SIGHz!!! Maybe all are his habits... and its difficult to quit... i hope i will not continue to be irritated with him...
Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them.
Agatha Christie (1890 - 1976)
With Love, Jas 12:20 AM
Jasmin Kee
CHIJ-OLGC, Cedar Girls' Sec Sch, CJC, SIM
jas2104@hotmail.com
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