Welcome To My Secret Garden
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Lazy to blog nowadays... my days so far wasn't as great as i wished it would be... Bought a top at Mango and a skirt from Iora last weekend... like them loads.. haha...
Wish list:
White shoes from charles and Keith
White tube
New bra/undies
Loads of money
Someone to understand me
Normal Monday...
Tuesday, Racial Harmony day... quite boring... maybe i never wear ethnic costume... so never feel the fun others had...
Wednesday.. as usual.. watch Love Actually in school.. movie screening by Library society...
I am kinda depressed nowadays... maybe because of period? hormonal changes... having loads of mood swings.. keep feeling very depressed... easily irritated.. It's so bad that i even vent my anger on him.. I am sorry lahZ... maybe i should just have sometime of my own.. to cry?? to let out all those stupid things... i wanna cry!
I always have loads of doubts in me... do you really love me?? What a taboo question this can be... haha! Sometimes i really hate all things that are happening around me.. i hate the whole idea of bikes.. but i am still trying to accept it whole-heartedly... Elaine told me that i should not try to control one person too much.. or he will have the tendency to leave me for someone else again.. and i replied bluntly "leave then leave lohZ" After which Mich and laine questioned me.. **i said something which i don't mean again..** sighZ... i am living such a F*** up life... I really don't know what the hell i am doing nowadays.... Comeone, i am tired of all these guessings and uncertainties... but i really cant stop myself from thinking so much.... What the hell..! i just fell like crying.. i just fell like hugging someone... but i don't have anyone beside me right now to give me the emotional support i need....
Stop!! stop thinking so much you idiot... i am having a terrible headache... ever since this afternoon.. stress induced?? or am i just thinking so much? i just have no mood to do abything now... didn't have dinner again... i wonder if he ever cares?? or maybe a usual, i don't see what he does for me like what i always do... Maybe i need to appreciate him more... maybe something's not there... but i can't tell what is it... talk to him just now... but apparently we have nothing much to say to eachother?? I don't wish to ponder why is this happening... i just hope that all this are just passing phase of my relationship now...
I wish to talk to someone now.. but i don't know what to say.. how contradicting i am...
I wish someone could give me some advice.. But i know i will not listen to them at all... As i can expect what they gonna say... "Don't think so much", "He loves you" or "concentrate on your studies.." i know thats the best for me... but i still can't do it... i just a problem by itself.. Can i be solved?? Does anyone understand me? Or should i ask, does such person exist..??
Nothing goes smoothly for me so far this week.... Someone spoiled my Cheong Sam and is supposed to compenstae me... but keep giving excues like "i dropped my ATM card in the longkang" Empty promises like "tomorrow, i will!" I hate people who give me empty promises... Whatever it is.. Don't give me stupid excises... don't irritate me further.. i have enough problems of my own already.. don't make your problem my problem.... thanks...
Miss laine.... miss mich.. miss geok... miss siow hui... miss nunthiya... miss jenna... i realise friends are afterall the best assets one can have... i rather not have love.... cos love often brings me loads of problems.. just like now... i just can't comprehend.. don't ask me why.. cos i personally dun understand too...
Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.
Sir Winston Churchill
With Love, Jas 9:44 PM
Jasmin Kee
CHIJ-OLGC, Cedar Girls' Sec Sch, CJC, SIM
jas2104@hotmail.com
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