Welcome To My Secret Garden
Friday, June 18, 2004
Woke up rather early today also.. Gotta go clinic work mahZ.. Haha.. don't know why but always feel very tired nowadays.. maybe i am thinking too much ba..
Piggy send his car for servicing today and came to my house.. kinda surprised me.. Actually wanna go swimming today one.. but in the end also never.. got no time lahZ.. cos i gotta go for concert, Choral Facets, in the evening 8pm at Singapore Conference Hall..
Slacked at my house until the people called to inform that the car is ready for collection... slept for awhile and watched CSI at the mean time.. left my house only close to about 4pm? really have no time.. head down to Suntec for dinner at Cafe Cartel.. Why Suntec?? cos parking there is cheaper than in town mahZ...Had a very filling and sinful dinner.. must go jogging tomorrow liao.. =P
Piggy drove me to Singapore Conference Hall.. without knowing where it is... basically i just lead the way.. as usual..! Initially he said he wanna go town and buy some things but in the end still stayed at Singapore Conference Hall until my concert is over to send me home.. Kinda touched by him.. haha..
The concert was very enjoyable.. there is this song they sang called "Yes sir, that's my baby", that left the greatest impression on me.. the part when they sing "sweet cookies" with their cute actions really very kawaii-ne!!! However there are many childish secondary school kids keep making noises.. talking and laughing loudly during the concert.. clapping with the rythem without realising they are spoiling the songs.. Can these kids learn to observe some concert ettiquette please.. its really annoying...
SighZ... many things within me i really don't know how to express.. Do i realy don't know how to express or am i just finding excuse for myself to bottle things up..? Maybe the latter is the answer.. always when i voice out.. i don't get any conclusion, result or solution.. in the end i just find that i have made things worse.. sighZ.. i have lost confidence in myself liao.. I guess.. =P
How to let go? help me to let go.. i wanna let go too.. i wanna be happy too.. You think I am happy in this state? Do you really think everything is alright? Are you deceiving yourself? All this funny things keep popping out of my head.. i am still finding ways to deal with such things.. Finding answers to these questions...
I think i know what i want.. i want vivid and acceptable explanation... i really cant bring myslef to carry on with all these doubts.. Let me speak.. Give me a chance to voice out my discontent.. Answer me! Don't keep quiet.. Don't bother feeling guilty.. Can you do that? Don't tell me to forgive and forget.. it is unrealistic to say this at this time being.. i am a verbal person.. i cant bottle things up.. if i do.. i will be extremely miserable.. just like what i am now... I fell like i am putting on a mask.. You cant see me, i can see myself in the mirror too...
I really wish the ring can restore to its position one day and not sitting in my wallet anymore.. however there are still many BUTs... Doubts overwhelm me..
Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.
Dr. David M. Burns
With Love, Jas 12:40 AM
Jasmin Kee
CHIJ-OLGC, Cedar Girls' Sec Sch, CJC, SIM
jas2104@hotmail.com
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